Monday, July 13, 2015


With my upcoming nuptials happening in a few months, there are many, many questions I'm asked. How big is your wedding? What does your dress look like? Where are you going for the honeymoon? I'll admit, as much as I deny I have the "bridal gene" I do love talking about the big day, so I never mind sharing the details. However,  the questions usually turn into Debbie Downer ones when people ask me what my new last name will be, because... clutch your pearls, people... I'm not changing it. (And neither is Jess!)

I never, ever mind when people ask me about the topic and my choice for not doing so, especially since it's a pretty common thing today. But, I do mind when they turn into Judge Judy. Most of the time I see their eyes squint, as they dance around their feelings that I may not be as committed to the marriage as I should be, all because of the letters that will be preceding my first name. Kinda ridiculous, right? 

Here are the top five things I'm asked/told/judged on when this topic comes up. 

How does your fiancé feel about this? He must be pissed. I've known my fiancé for almost a decade, in which we've talked many, many times about our future, including this topic. Communication really is a thing in relationships, ya know? He has more important things to lose sleep over (like picking out the bow-ties his groomsmen will be wearing... hint, hint if you're reading). 

Are you a feminist? Do you not like tradition? First off, you're not a feminist? I suggest you read a history book before asking that question in that tone. Secondly, I love tradition. My wedding is pretty traditional - my fiancé asked my father for my hand in marriage, I am getting married in a Catholic church, and we will be reciting classic vows. I love the idea of joining forces on your wedding day to create one family, and a huge part of that, for some people, is sharing a last name. 

How will other people know who your children are, and how will your children know you're their mom? Hint 1: I'll be carrying them for 9 months in my stomach. Hint 2: I'll be delivering them in the hospital. Hint 3: I'll be taking care of them, changing their dirty diapers, putting them to bed, and doing all those other things moms do. If that isn't enough, then I think there's a bigger issue here.

That sounds confusing for them. You know what's confusing? Learning the English language. Physics. Figuring out who you are in a tough world while your hormones are raging in middle school. I think my children will be able to get my name pretty quickly. 

You must think women who take their husband's last names are "inferior" to them. This is when I become pretty offended. I have a long list of strong women in my life, including my mother, best friends, and family members who have all taken their husband's last names, which I think is beautiful. They're all independent, smart, and inspiring, and in amazing healthy relationships. But my decision has nothing to do with other women... it's a personal one that really isn't a big deal. 

Can't it just be as simple as I like my last name? When it comes down to it, "Jill Badlotto" has been my identity my entire life and I don't want to turn it in just yet. Will that feeling change down the line? Potentially so. But my name with my fiancé's last name is already taken on Instagram and Twitter, which really is the number one reason. 

I am only half kidding.

What are your thoughts on the topic?

x Jill


  1. I love this! Early on I decided to hyphenate my last name and join my maiden name with my husband's. I agree that it's difficult to all of a sudden disassociate with the family name and heritage that has always been a huge part of WHO I am. I have yet to change my name to the hyphenated version after almost 3 years of marriage (out of pure laziness) , and now that my baby is about to be born the questions are also coming fast and furious again. Like how will the hospital know it's my baby? And what last name will the baby have? And what does my husband think? My favorite is the one about the hospital being confused. Like, as if they just let you leave with a baby because it has the same last name. Hmmm... I don't think so. Anyway... good for you guys for doing what you want. That's all that really matters. Unfortunately, the questions probably wont stop ;)

  2. I've always thought taking the groom's last name was a weird tradition. Some people like it and some are indifferent. If you like your name keep it. It doesn't change how you feel about him or the things in life that are truly more important - as you so eloquently pointed out.


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